Breaking News: Texas Longhorns head coach Steve Sarkisian has issued a lifetime ban after discovering that a spectator who photographed themselves celebrating Charlie Kirk’s death at Utah Valley University was, in fact, one of the prominent members of his team. With firm resolve, Steve Sarkisian declared that neither this individual nor their family will ever be allowed near his events or games again — a blunt message that he will not tolerate disgrace or the mocking of tragedy.